Thoughts

Hello, It's been a while!!!
I've been really busy this past two weeks. So, to make up for it, I will (attempt to) make cream puffs!!! >.<
I'll share my results in another post.

Halloween is so close! It's in three days, I think. I originally said that I was going to be Totoro from My Neighbor Totoro, but I changed my mind last minute. I'm going to be a white cat! ^.^
I crocheted my hat and the ears, and I'm going to have a red "collar". I'll just wear a white shirt and jeans (no tail because I think that these are annoying when you sit down -.-) for the rest of my costume. I'll post pictures later of this too.

I can't believe that I didn't notice that you can title posts until now. Shows how I don't pay attention to some things. -.-;
Well, as you can see, this post is called thoughts. I shared some of my posts above,  but what I really wanted to share was thoughts about life.
Last night, I was thinking really hard. I thought that although I wanted to go back into the past to go change my regrets, I don't want to because in the past, I was just a little girl who didn't know anything (I like how I can remember so many things now). I also believe in parallel worlds and stuff like that, so I think that if I go into the past, change things, and return to the time I came from, nothing would really change because I would have just created another parallel world. It's really confusing. Yet so interesting ^.^
Then, I thought that I wouldn't want to go to the future because, frankly, I'm scared of the future. It's such a mystery to me. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be in the future. I've considered becoming a teacher,  but it just doesn't seem that interesting to me. I like arts and crafts, certain music, and making things. Teaching sounds like it would be fun, but I think that there might be another job out there that I would like more. I also don't want to go to the future because I'm really content and satisfied here in the present. (although "present" is kind of hard to say. I think that present would be, like, only 0.11111111 seconds long. For example...........just then, when I typed "For example", that is already in the past. Yeah, this is confusing too) I guess I just don't want to grow up.
Then, I don't want to stay in the present because that would just be a living hell. In fact, staying in any time period would be a living hell. You would never change. Time would never change or pass.
My "present" right now is also not perfect. I did say that I was content, but I feel that that is only because I am very obedient and I've taught myself not to expect much out of anything to avoid the feeling of disappointment. Honestly, I think that I should probably ask more out of my parents. My family is also another problem. My parents are divorced, ever since I was in 1st grade or something, yet I've never really felt anything about it (like felt sad, or angry. It was indifferent to me. And because of that, my mother fell into a state of almost depression. She told me and my brother later, a couple years ago. I feel really bad about it. If only I had more emotions. That's one of the things I'm trying to change now.) When this woman started to live with us, I didn't even question it. She then married my father (who I live with for about 3/4 of the year) for who-knows-what reason. (I know it's bad to talk behind someone's back, but I really feel that my father is so head-over-heals in love with my stepmother, that he'll do anything to impress her. He's gotten mad at me and my brother so many times for making him look bad. He also buys her a bunch of stuff, and often leaves me and my brother alone. He's more like a guardian than a father to me. Then, my stepmother is the kind of person who appears to be kind and nice, but she really likes to impress others. I think that that's one of the reason she asks for so much. Life really does suck, huh :\ )
When she got married, I barely knew anything about her. I still know little to nothing about her, other than some of her personality traits that I said before. I also know that she likes yoga, was a secretary (?), her homeland, and likes to impress others. Her sense of style/fashion is a bit weird; she likes to look and dress young, so she often buys clothes for teenagers. Then, she wears jean pants or skirts or dress that have patterns that were sewn or patched on. I've never met her family before, and the only time that we, as a family, act/seem like a family is around our dog, Mochi, whom we got in January (she's almost 1 year old!!! :D )
I probably should ask her more about her background. I've asked dozens of people, and they all think that my family is messed up and that I deserve to know more.
It's just that I'm scared. Not of my stepmother, but of my father.
Hah, this is so tiring.
Thanks for listening everyone. I'll post cream puff pictures later. bye!